What changed from these 100 days five months ago?
If you would be here, you would know, that this is not a proper question. But yes, something changed. Or rather, many things.
I meditate sometimes more than one time a day. Moreover, I meditate more time per one session, about 20 minutes on average. I’ve made meditation one of my morning habits.
And no, this is not like I block all of my thoughts. Or don’t think at all. Or even see all thoughts. The nature of the mind is to wander. The stream of thoughts flows, I could say, as usual. But this is not a thing. There is something more important, beyond that.
You see. When you meditate they trying to convince you to focus on your breath or other things. So you trying to do it. But this is inevitable. The thought will arise soon. And your mind will wander. And then you catch yourself on thinking. There is some short time of silence. And new thought arises, so the process repeats again and again.
But this is not the case. Meditation isn’t about catching yourself on thinking. It is about understanding yourself, your mind. It’s about seeing what thoughts arise when you’re in this or other situation. It’s not about fighting with this thoughts whatever they are. Not judging them. It’s only about clear observation. ‘What am I thinking about this situation?’
And observation almost always means understanding. ‘Oh, so I’m doing this, but this is what I am thinking about it!’. It’s a constant process of exploring yourself.
So the main change I feel is that. I’m more often catching myself on that I’m thinking. And then I see what I’m thinking about when I’m doing things. So I have more understanding about myself. I’m less judgmental about myself and others. There is less negative self-talk, more just seeing things they are.
It gives freedom. ‘So this is the life truly looks like?’ Without false opinions of me and others about it. So this is the truth.